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Probably a weird post but I've started to notice how strange the messages you get on the blue screen, this one made me laugh,


You see a cruel fight. A hairclip is fighting with a toothpick. "You will die now!" shouts the hairclip and captures the toothpick. The latter breaks into two parts and falls to the ground.


Which ones make you laugh:)
You catch sight of a dead body lying on the dusty street. As you get nearer, you realize it must have been lying there a long time.



Creak. You have stepped onto a decaying corpse. You stumble and almost fall, but you finally pull your foot from between its ribs.


There's just something about rotting corpses that brightens my day.

Sandy
Ha ha I've seen the first one but the second one made me laugh, can you imagine stepping into a corpse and being so casual about it? Urghhh....
You tripped over something! You kicked a dusty skeleton between the legs



A huge frog makes sheep's eyes at you, spits in your face, then vanishes.



It seems that there are bigger birds living here. Suddenly a big dollop of warm bird excrement arrives on your nose. You wipe it off with your hand. Now you're just as smelly as the other habitats of the marshland.


I thought these ones were kind of funny
lol these are disgusting, who came up with them? lol I still find them funny
Haven't payed attention to the messages in a while - but I did at first.  I know they've changed some of them and added new ones.  I don't recognize the bird droppings one.  The corpse ones were all in there when I first joined.  So was the frog one.  And by the way, what are sheep's eyes?
not positive but I think sheep's eyes is similar to puppy dog 's eyes--big and innocent.  Maybe flirting though.
My favorite:  
You see a daemon come out of the alleyway with a still-living victim in it's back. After weighing the consequences, you decide you didn't see anything
 I'm not exactly sure that's what it says... poor guy.
Here are a few more


A lot of big birds live here. Remembering what happened in the wetlands, you try not to walk directly beneath them.



You see children playing football. One of them has just broken the window of an especially dirty house. His reward is a loud curse and a screwdriver which flies towards him



The smelly exhalations of the wetland give strange colours to the neighbourhood, making it hard to see. For that reason you nearly crash into a cedar tree.

You hear a screech above your head, then some feathers float down from the heights.
You see an angry dwarf. He is swearing and throwing away his scorched armour. Maybe he met a dragon? Anyway he looks funny in underpants with little red hearts.



A frog hops in front of you! You pick it up, kiss it, and wait for the effect... Unexpectedly it grows wings, opens them wide and flies away.
A coach-and-four passes next to you. To your surprise there are no horses in front of it. You hear loud crying within: Sanyííí!... My little Sanyíííí!!

Tragedy.

Sandy
I got one the other day hinting that Skive was planning a war against the neighbouring islands. Anything we can make of this?
You see a strange spectacle. Two villains are talking to each other with huge smiles on their faces, while rummaging in each other's pockets.

ou study the habitats of the wetland with curiosity. What you dislike is that most of them suck your blood.

You have perverse thoughts in your mind. What would happen if you got a shovel and dug a little? But as you look around you see someone came before you. The whole graveyard looks as if it had been attacked by a horde of moles. Those miners...

Ugh, what you stepped into! A very large beast has dropped these...


those are ok.. best i could find lately

~Joe
Mud, mud, reed, mud, sedge, puddle, mud, mud, puddle, mud - that's everything to be seen.

A grotesque figure comes out of the nearby training room. The impression made by his huge upper-body is spoiled by his skinny legs. He should develop his body more evenly!

"Banzai!" you shout... But why? Are you crazy?

Thump, bang, ding, pock - You try to make a rythm by hitting your surroundings with your fist

haha
Wow, a rare marsh-spider! You step on it...



You study the habitats of the wetland with curiosity. What you dislike is that most of them suck your blood.



To your great surprise you find a rose garden in the middle of the wetland. You go closer, and you have only a moment to jump away from a flower swinging at you. These things eat meat!
You see an angry dwarf. He is swearing and throwing away his scorched armour. Maybe he met a dragon? Anyway he looks funny in underpants with little red hearts.
You are incredibly tired. You think it about time to rest a bit. Of course not in eternal peace, like the little ghost that passes next to you with an axe in its head.


Euxodia
You find a spring. Above it there's a word painted on a rock with the usual fluorescent letters: 'Tequila'. You try it. Water tastes quite funny here, although not bad at all. You fill your flask.

In mission 23.
1 more, wierd and funny:

A wardrobe has just jumped out of a window! With an apologizing smile it runs away.


You see a wonderful sight! Somebody has opened a pub here, and you go running to drink a glass of beer. But it is only a mirage...
another frog 1

A frog jumps in front of you. You think you should kiss it. The frog jumps away, saying, "Are you crazy??? You pig!" You walk away embarrassed.

another toothpick 1

A toothpick stands in your way! "Now you die!" - it yells, and then it relentlessly attacks the clasp of your backpack. It has defeated you... the clasp hangs broken on the strap of the rucksack. Darn!
On the corner you see a guard kicking a seedy man. His home-made burglar tools fall to the ground with a loud clatter.


A drunk magician staggers on the road in front of you. He hiccups, and little blue birdies start to circle around his head. Wow, cool!

Cool,wish i could do that;\
You proceed...
You notice two big men slowly packing some things from a house into a huge bag. It seems that they are moving someone. You feel that this person may not be too happy when he discovers it.
The alligator's previous victim is hanging out of the animal's abdomen half digested. Oops, he was your neighbour. You had a small talk on weather this morning. Poor chap!
Ouch!

You feel more powerful! You just ran your head into one of the nearby trees, as you were maddened by the stings of insects. It was very painful!

lol
Swamp


In the mud you notice strange footprints. You start to follow them, but after a while you find yourself at the same place. What is this?

Mage District

Sparkling stardust drifts at you. As it touches you, you start to shrink! Oioioiaiaiaia! - you cry in despair. Fortunately this was the counter-spell!

Grave yard

You proceed...
A gigantic spectre grabs you by the neck, bangs you on the head, then knitting his brows he says: "Oops, sorry, you are not the one!" - and lets you go. What was that?


Love them
Jaird
You bump into one of your old fellows, who tells a story about how profitable it is to be a thief. You don't believe him, but after you part from him, and take a look at your pockets, you change your mind. Fortunately you grab him in time to take your belongings back, and slap his face really hard.

Here's a funny one:

You can hear a loud whimper and an angry voice. "It isn't good to disturb others' eternal peace. We dead should be respected, not savaged." Being aware of your superiority, you don't even speak to it. The dead should shut up, shouldn't they?

I think it's fun to find gramatical errors and oddities, too.  I'll post it if I run across one.

Zuni ;)


You see a strange spectacle. Two villains are talking to each other with huge smiles on their faces, while rummaging in each other's pockets.

This one is my favorite. It reminds me of the Larki chat room. The chatters are very happy to be with their friends, talking and laughing while their characters are out robbing each other's houses !  
lol ! 
 It seems to be a game (the thieves, at least), enjoy very much.

:D

i'm bumping up this almost-lost thread.  here's a new one to me:

Monsters are killing each other in the distance. The scene reminds you of a verse of a poem known to everyone: "The grass on the plain is burning; my dragon's crest is sinking with thirst."

seemed very random to me.
--jason
That one should be:


You feel more powerful!
 You just ran your head into one of the nearby trees, as you were maddened by the stings of insects. It was very painful!
Kings Mission 26....

You find a piece of paper nailed to a tree. Sentences like these can be read on it: 'Do you like beer? If yes, which brand? If not, why not? 
What's your e-mail address?
' What nonsense! You didn't even understand the last question. You leave the paper where it is.

Seems the Kings been holding out on us, we fight monsters with pointy sticks and hes off having a cold one surfing the net!

Cinder
(Becoming disenchanted with the monarchy)
Suddenly your backpack wiggles and your mind goes blank, like a firedemon caught in a rainstorm! Fortunately you only got stuck on a cactus.
hmmm... seems rather abstract...
malikar
You feel really hungry now, but you remember Jerok's words. You surely cannot stop to eat here in the lake. Or can you? You try it through your nose and it works!
Somebody had to use the toilet urgently and its obvious that they cannot aim correctly. This was clear looking at the performance of the goblins.


haha that's out of the goblin mission :)
You pull some glittering thing out of the rectum of the pukipu!


Ok now that's just disturbing... 
You proceed...
A toothpick stands in your way! "Now you die!" - it yells, and then it relentlessly attacks the clasp of your backpack. It has defeated you... the clasp hangs broken on the strap of the rucksack. Drat!


I knew I didn't like toothpicks....lol
  These two are my favorite.
   
        
You hear someone crying. You don't believe your eyes: a knight in purple clothes, at least three times as big as you, is desperately pressing against his broadsword. A fallen shrub lies at his feet.
         
                You see a strange pair. They are coming in your direction jumping like goats. You can hear their discussion:"African coconut Swallows are non-migratory, but they can carry a one-pound coconut." You decide to hide among the trees.

         
This is second one is making fun of the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail

       
Haven't noticed this one before.  I like the mood of optimism that the character has... in spite of all the evidence.


You gaze into the water for a long time. Well, that didn't make you any wiser...


Sandy

You walk along thinking about what to spend the reward money on. Maybe I'll buy a farm. Maybe a ship. Maybe I'll go to the local brothel I hear the girls there are marvelous. 
You just stop before falling into a huge hole in the middle of the main road, which was probably dug by a miner. As you look around you notice more such holes. It's a miracle that the houses haven't collapsed yet. Or at least not all of them...



who comes up with these writings.  maybe someone can hold a writing suggestion box.  and the best ones will get picked and used in the game.....huh?  huh?

"You paint a lion's head with the mud on your forehead, and amble along with pride."

There's another body lying next to this one. He's a pipe cleaner in his neat orange tunic decorated with magic flourescent stripes. Tho only part missing is his head.
   This one is from mission 17.

    ...Twinkie...
You proceed...
You slip on a sputum and fall! Fortunately you are tough enough, and don't start to cry.


I'm not tough enough.  I AM gonna cry.  Waaahhh.
Ok, over it.
Can't say I've seen this before:

You see a pair of enormous socks around the neck of a fighter. Your blood freezes in your veins. That's the legendary monster you have heard about in the pub! After a short while the fighter is only a corpse.
You try to hug the beautiful woman who floats in front of you with a nice smile on her face. But something is wrong. You stop confused, just in time to avoid sinking into quicksand. It was a demon!


Lol, I really must thank whoever comes up with these.
TeT
Some city guards pursue a desperately escaping burglar. You stick your leg in front of him, causing him to fall. The guards catch him with satisfied grins on their faces.
A grotesque figure comes out of the nearby training room. The impression made by his huge upper-body is spoiled by his skinny legs. He should develop his body more evenly!
You crawl on the path when you notice something on a rock. "
http://www.flyordie.com/
" - it says in red, but you have no idea what it means.


test
[img=
http://www.geocities.com/simpsonshq2000/Animations/gifs/mshomer3.gif
]
You realize that somebody is staggering behind you, and you quickly jump behind a gravestone. You wait for the stranger to reach your hidingplace, and then you jump out and start to scream. The poor fellow breathlessly dashes away. How much fun! Hehe.

Now that sounds like something I would do.  
TeT
You realize that somebody is staggering behind you, and you quickly jump behind a gravestone. You wait for the stranger to reach your hidingplace, and then you jump out and start to scream. The poor fellow breathlessly dashes away. How much fun! Hehe.

Now that sounds like something I would do.  
TeT
"you see a rare marsh spider... you step on it"

hehehe that one made me smile :D
You got down just in time! An instant later the lightning forever silences an unfortunate frog busy with its dawn song.
mission 21 :D
all found in FD on TA:


Some city guards pursue a desperately escaping burglar. You stick your leg in front of him, causing him to fall. The guards catch him with satisfied grins on their faces.



A grotesque figure comes out of the nearby training room. The impression made by his huge upper-body is spoiled by his skinny legs. He should develop his body more evenly!



A troup hurries toward the southern gate of a nearby castle. Is it possible that there will be a battle in the wetlands again? The strange creatures from the wetland will never give up trying to conquer the city...



For want of something better, you start to count the windows.



Some guards are talking to a very pretty woman on the corner. They are supposed to enforce the laws.. Meanwhile, the partner of the woman steals some precious objects from them.


just thought i'd put a few in from TA... and bump the thread to see some more interesting writings people are finding

--jason
and it had been so long since this thread was posted to, i didn't even remember that paddy had posted two of those already :p
--jason
One of my favorites from mission 39 (Vampire Vacation)is:
"The western door opens to the ballroom. These 'darn' vampires have so many balls, they need a ballroom! You hear soft music from inside."

Slightly edited. And if you're younger than 13, there is no other meaning...

You've managed to get into the labyrinth.
Oh yeah! You already feel that this one is going to be your stinkiest adventure ever.

:D
A lot of big birds live here. Remembering what happened in the wetlands, you try not to walk directly beneath them.

This one is from the TA Forest


Affe3
The Youngest Robber In Town
You bump into one of your old fellows, who tells a story about how profitable it is to be a thief. You don't believe him, but after you part from him, and take a look at your pockets, you change your mind. Fortunately you grab him in time to take your belongings back, and slap his face really hard.


  Sec.
You inform Brelg Silaf that you want to withdraw 1,000,000,000 silvers from your account. Brelg Silaf gives you a silver. 


:p
From one of the dark palaces you hear a painful scream. You can't decide whether it's contemporary music or unequal struggle, but you don't like it.

This was just hilarious to me
You proceed...
Your eyes meet an incredible scene. A little skeleton is washing an unidentifiable piece of rag in a rusty basin. The effects are not perfect, because there's mud in the basin instead of water. Washerwomen die early...

I don't hang out in the cemetery much so I didn't recall this one.. 

~esme  :p
The last nurse had the workbook of the whole bunch. You take it to the king to make the necessary steps and 
close the kindergarten
 down. 
You feel wicked!
Just had to post these from Kings Mission #3

Found some in King's Mission 32 that I just had to tell:


As you were sneaking, you didn't notice a flowerpot with a geranium on it. You hear someone shouting: 'SILENCE, DAMN IT! ONE MUST HAVE A REST SOME TIME.'

Another orc! How do these damn things get in here!




The sands shift beneath your feet. Probably the wind causing it. Of course it could also be the Uber monster of death that lives beneath the sand just waiting for a hapless adventurer to blunder along.

and

Surely only a mountain goat could survive on these treacherous passes. Then, just to demonstrate the warped humour of the Thord-Artinian gods, a mountain goat bounds over your head .and straight over the edge. The last sound you hear it make . "Bahhhhh?????"


Dr. Boo, just amusing herself on TA
I've gotten the latter message. That one always makes me chuckle :D.
You proceed...
Do your eyes decieve you? Sparkling in the distance, is it? YES! surrounded by palm trees, an oasis! Diving headlong into the water you slake your thirst on the cool...clear...SAND! Of course your eyes decieved you! Desert? MIRAGE?!?! Really now, how new are you to this?
:)
BTW, "decieve" is spelled wrong. I was deceived by it.

-PMF
Gah! It took so long to get a boat and reach the island, you had really hoped for more than just sand and rock!

Yeah, no kidding!
Okay, never saw this one before, but then again I don't pay close attn to the text.  But at the great wall/stairway to heaven...

From such heady heights the creatures below resemble ants...Oh wait a minute they ARE ants. Maybe a visit to Dr. Cornealius, the eye doctor would be prudent once you find your way back down from the mountains
Sitting on the side of a mountain, soaked to the skin from the last thunder burst. You decide that it's a choice between hypothermia here or sunstroke in the desert below. Why aren't there ever any "good" options on these islands?

You obviously misheard the ship's Bosun when he mentioned that "you could look forward to encountering a large dessert".


here's hoping the TA invaders haven't eaten it all if we ever do find that dessert :p
This clan house is damaged. To avoid injuries, you stay outside.

trying to enter John Galt clan house
There's a sign on one of the huts: "For sale". Looking at it closely, you realize there is no roof on it, and the wall on the back is missing too. Who would want this house?

:p
As you go ahead you see a funny scene. A fat burglar has got stuck in a door. He's swearing in a low voice and trying to escape with the help of his screwdriver. You continue your way smiling...



You notice two big men slowly packing some things from a house into a huge bag. It seems that they are moving someone. You feel that this person may not be too happy when he discovers it



A daemon jumps out of an alleyway with a still living victim on its back. After measuring the balance of forces, you decide you haven't seen a thing...



You bump into one of your old fellows, who tells a story about how profitable it is to be a thief. You don't believe him, but after you part from him, and take a look at your pockets, you change your mind. Fortunately you grab him in time to take your belongings back, and slap his face really hard.


Few i found today which i found amusing lol :p
Ugh, what you stepped into! A very large beast has dropped these...
You tell Stingy Fano to transfer a little sum to the King's account. You find the transaction costs a little too much...
"Hmmm, I see you were a fool and lost your antiballast. However, you have been very loyal to Larkinor. So I will replace it. Try not to lose it again, they are expensive to replace!" the King says. 

I still don't like seeing this one, again.
I wanted to cut next one from the other part :$ ...

It's time to leave...
666 experience points earned!

You successfully quit the clan.
You reassure official Karmenor that your decision is final and irrevocable.
After a few minutes of paper work he rings a bell and two elite guards enter. They escort you to the port. On the way you start remembering all the good time you spent on Larkinor. Hush! It's too late to be sentimental!
You wait a half an hour or so while the next boat full with immigrants arrives. Their radiating smile awakes good memories in you once again, but the elite guards push you into the boat.
While shoving off you take a final look at the well known layout of the island, that was your home for an important period of your life.
Where will you find new adventures and friends? Will you ever find them? Questions stream to your mind you can't answer...
Fare well Larkinor! 

go away has gone away :(
go away has gone away? what a stowaway!

i didn't understand that last comment of urs tad? u quit? 
Stainlessteelrat has tried to steal from you!!!
Sneaky Fran would laugh at the attempt just made to steal from you. You turn the tables on the unsuspecting thief and acquire 18 diamond nails from their backpack!

Your opponent strikes but misses you!
This fight is going nowhere fast. Rather than prolong the agony you bow to each other and agree to a draw. How gallant!
You obtained 0 famepoints!

As you walk in, the little band in the pub starts to play the song called "Stiff hamster standing in the wind".
While running daemontamers mission for the 100th time, decided to look at some of the writing.


You feel tired. You had too much adventures lately. You decide to take a few days off on an island, once you finished here, where you will not be disturbed by lousy monsters all the time.
 ...good idea, maybe I'll try TA :p


This place surely needs some renovating. Though there's little chance of it...
  ah, a metaphor for the entire game :(
from King's Mission#43


Two turtles have a discussion in the grass: "Good stuff, eh?" "Yup, very clean grass. If we don't step on it, its tastes much better."


What could be so good about this grass? You taste it, but you don't like it...
At TA;

A troup hurries toward the southern gate of a nearby castle. Is it possible that there will be a battle in the wetlands again? The strange creatures from the wetland will never give up trying to conquer the city...
You proceed...
A large shadow passes over your head. Ooh, scary!

You proceed...
You wish for a good pub! You decide that if you settle down, you will open one here.
  

nice idea :p