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CYBERBULLYING
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CYBERBULLYING
Posted in 
General
CYBERBULLYING
Hi,
My name is Alissa.  I have been a member here at FOD since Feb 2017.  Recently I became a victim of cyberbullying here in FOD which has given me a deep conviction within my heart to write this blog in the forum.
"One voice is heard but many voices are listened too!"  I strongly believe if enough of us stand together our voices will become loud enough to be heard and together as one we can make a difference here in this awesome gaming website "FOD"!
I have spent a considerable amount of time combing through the various forum topics here in FOD and I have come across many in which pertain to cyberbullying. One that really stood out to me was posted back in 2009 by a moderator 
http://forum.flyordie.com/thread.jsp?forum=2&thread=50277
 he spoke of how cyberbullying can lead to suicide.  If those reading this blog take a look at the statistics online you will see that cyberbullying is a real issue one of which needs to be dealt with and should not to be ignored!  I also found out the moderators here at this website are not paid to do the job in which they do.  MOD's do their very best to help keep FOD a nice, friendly family website, which includes all players being respectful to one another.  Thank you, FOD team you are awesome!  I would like to speak directly to you the moderators now.  When I became a victim of cyberbullying here I did not know what to do it took another kindhearted player to inform me of the process involved to inform you of the situation. I would like to suggest a solution.  Perhaps on the main startup page, there could be a link for players in which gives them some simple instructions to ensure their own safety from cyberbullying when you are not here to monitor it.  Eg.  1. Do not retaliate.  2. Left bottom icon MUTE the player. 3. Click on their name use the information icon also bottom left of the game room then when the player info box appears click on report abuse under their name which gives three options so click on the most appropriate one.  Thank you, MOD's in advance for considering my suggestion.
Another thought I had for those players willing to stand against cyberbullying is to boycott the players with the black marks by their names "simply do not play with them".  This way they will be forced to be respectful to others in the future to get a game here!

Thank you to all who have read and will contribute to this blog.  Let us stand together as one voice that is heard and listened too in support of helping the MOD's keep this website a nice, friendly family website where players have respect for one another!!

Alissa :))
I couldn't agree more. The bullying goes on here every day and most people know who the main ones are. One man in particular terrorizes women. He has verbally assaulted someone very dear to me for months. He comes into our games every day and stalks her when she's alone. Then he jumps in and out of her games over and over again spewing pure sexual filth at her. He has been reported many times and had several nicks permanently banned but he simply makes new nicks and starts all over. I have recently began outing him in the lobby so everyone knows who he is now. He uses both male and female nicks to try and fool people. I have several screen shots of the sickening things he says to women. It's sad but most people won't get involved because they are afraid to open themselves up to the harassment. What I would like to see happen is a spot right here on this site where we could post screen shots so everyone can see exactly what goes on here, so they could see the language this one man uses when he harasses women. That would expose these animals to the light of day and perhaps things might start changing around here. 
Hello, 

cyberbullying on Flyordie exists if this site's confused with a dating site.
For everyone to make their choice at the registration, either we come to play or we' re mistaken site.

Regards. 
Please give us a new section called Out The Bullies where we can write a short note and add screen shots. The only way we can combat these people, and this man in particular, is to out them, to identify them. Let their own words seal their fate. These people need to be ostracized and it's up to all of us to try and keep this site safe and enjoyable for everyone, especially the women who are targeted more than the men. Give us the ability to help you moderators and to try to protect ourselves from these people. Mute doesn't do it. They log out and come back on and the mute is nullified. We just want to come here and have fun, things really need to change around here. 
Hi
I'd just like to say i agree with Passion.  This is a nice, friendly family website. After a hard day at work or just looking for some banter the FOD website is a place you should be able to go. where people should be able to play stress free, hassle free fun games with other likeminded people.
Not to be bullied by small minded eedjits who have nothing better to do than make other miserable.
If everyone had more respect for ourselves and others the world would be a better place.
Anybody who agrees with us should not be scared to give us your voice and help stamp out bullying!!
Thanks for your time.
Craig
Thank you Alissa for highlighting this important issue here.I also stand with u . We must b  together against bullies to show many Alissas who  had to run from here being helpless and for all those to come and need a safe place to enjoy the game.. I know some who left this site not to come here back because of some rotten eggs here...

Hi ALL :)
Thank you, Alissa, for starting this blog in the forum. I also believe this subject is one that needs to be addressed and I am in agreement with all of the things you suggested as a way of helping to protect FOD members when they find themselves in a situation where they become bullied.

I also have a few suggestions:-
We all know too well that the birth of the internet has brought with it a new phenomenon of bullying.  Unfortunately, bullies can now hide behind a computer or phone screen without the fear of being exposed.  In reality, unless you personally know the person that you are interacting with on a social media website you cannot be 100% sure the person is who they say they are.   Don't be too trusting of others, trust should be earnt not given away freely.  It is unwise to disclose any personal information about yourself to people you don't actually personally know and trust.  Therefore safeguard yourself by keeping your personal information private!  Further to this supporting FOD by becoming a subscriber, in my opinion, would benefit the FOD team with more funding perhaps enabling them to put in place more measures to protect players and keep FOD the wonderful, friendly, family gaming site that it is.

Ongelique :)

Hej Alla :)

Tack Alissa för att du startade denna Blog i detta forum. Jag tror också att detta är någonting som måste göras någonting åt och jag håller med om allt du har föreslagit som sätt att hjälpa FOD medlemmar när de har hamnat i en mobbing situation.

Jag har också några förslag:

Vi känner alla väl till att internet har fört med sig en ny typ av mobbing, en som tyvärr låter mobbarna gömma sig bakom dator och mobil skärmar utan att vara rädda för att bli upptäckta. Det betyder att om du inte känner personen utanför internet, så kan du inte vara 100% säker på att den du pratar med på sociala websidor är den person som det utger sig för att vara.  Förtroende måste man förtjäna, man kan inte bara lita blint på alla. Det är dumt att dela med sig av personlig information till människor man inte känner och litar på fullt ut.

Genom att hålla personlig information för sig själv så skyddar man sig.

Dessutom genom att bli prenumerant på FOD och därigenom sponsra sajten, så skulle det gangna FÖD teamet så att de kan utöka säkerheten på sajten och behålla FOD som den underbara familjevänliga sajt den är.

Ongelique:)
Cyberbullying sucks........... one suggestion is to have access to private rooms that the owner/(person who opens it)  of the room can control who comes in .... this will give some control to the person ..,. to get away from the bullies......... wiht so many variius nicknames available to a person, it makes it difficult to control ...... s therfore i believe that provate rooms would help cpntrol an aspect of the bullying
Hello,

the Mute-Option would do it for me but the annoying thing is that once I leave, the person is unmuted again. So I have to wait until he or she comes up again. It's unfair to non-subscribers! 
🙃
1
 Hi all I wish to add to my comments if not all but few definitely sufferrerd from annoyance from others. May i suggest all to kindly add here what type of bullies they had to face if targetted if possible by names who so as to bring the event and bullies both in lime light for information and measuring the severity of issue. There are some who can go to online investgation department for cyberbullies  which will be more  problemetic and bad spot on this site so its lot better to know what and correct it ouselves...
  That's disgusting,surely mods or administration should have his i.p address/location and simply block it,people shouldn't have to keep reporting him...i mean one report should be enough,all chat is monitored i believe,not only in lobby's but also rooms too,including hidden chat,so there is no excuse or reason that this lame excuse for a human being allowed to continue his seedy and potentially harmfull comments..GET HIM OUT OF HERE.
First I want to thank  the ones who left a comment, it is very important to stop all the bullying we have gone through for months..  hopefully we can put an end to it.  always looked forward to coming  in reverse game site, to play games, and  chat  and get to meet people from all over  but lately it has been a nightmare just trying to play a few games.  Please lets stop these bullies
We now have a new troll in reversi. A player called snowman who just yesterday told a woman who I care deeply for to burn in hell. Kygirl and I were talking in  the lobby and she had to get back to work so we said our goodbyes when suddenly snowman said bye Kelly, you will be missed when you burn in hell. Neither or us know this player nor have we ever talked to him. He is quite a high player over 400 and has been here for two years. He was reported so hopefully we won't see him again but who knows. Time will tell. 
Hello,
I am writing to give my 100% support to this blog.  

I too have been a victim of cyberbullying here in FOD.  This is supposed to be a family gaming website but believe me if my parents could see the disgusting and hurtful things that have personally been said to me here and also the things said in the main chat that I have witnessed being directed at others, they would not allow me to play here anymore :(  I have many times thought I would just stop playing here because of it and I also know of  other girl players who for this reason have already left this website and are not likely to ever return. 
 
Before I was told about this blog that Alissa started, although I have been a member since 2016 I had only ever once seen a moderator in the gaming room "Thor Von Midgard".  Apparently, now his presence has been a lot more frequent  THANK YOU mods for recognizing there is a problem and doing your best to address it!  I totally agree with Alissa when we stand together and speak up action happens.

I am very disappointed that there are not more players contributing to this blog and also helping out those players being bullied in the gaming rooms when moderators are not present.  It would seem that a lot of players would rather bury their heads in the sand and plead ignorance to what is going on.  This to me is very sad :(  

Regards,
Hayley 
Thank you, Alissa, for beginning this much need Blog! Thank you to all that have replied. Thank you, MOD'S for The Forum.
My name is Judy aka Contessa here since 2008. As in real life, I find myself examining the other side of the coin as feel I must here, regardless of any backlash. Everything people have said is well worth being said. Not, that I am a judge. That brings me to this, victims, of bullies, can become carried away with anger, self-righteousness, revenge. I feel free to speak to this because there have been times in the past  I have fallen into this Rage-alcoholic Trap as well. I did so, thinking I was a Warrior for peace, justice and, The Right FlyOrDie WaY... a protector of the weak, that was to shy, mortified, afraid to speak for themselves. I got completely carried away with other anger-freaks in our Lobby believing with all my heart it was for the best. "The good can be the enemy of the best." When this happens anywhere, and, after looking at my motives, I've concluded that it can turn into gang mentality. This phenomenon especially can happen behind internet screens. It's been painful to the extreme to me to watch, to read, I learned the hard way to step back, take a breathe, use restraint of tongue and pen...get centered, not buy into it. Not allow any negativity to rent space in my head! I've seen even people travel from table to table, from person to person gathering allies, to humiliate, ostracize,  hurt them at least as badly as they have been hurt. Which, I may add, was vicious way beyond reason from that horrendous bully!!! These are fine and decent people! I care deeply for them. They're doing what they feel and think is the correct and perhaps, the only thing left for them to do! It's just that, I do not. Maybe I am wrong. I often am.  Did some research on it. This one, for me, this says a lot about 'gang mentality,' and, hoping that it is not too harsh. I've been forced to look at both sides,  of these kinds of situations. Things can get out of hand, it seems, similar to this...“ collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd.” To me, it means, anger produced more anger...and/or whatever the leader and/or leaders of the herd wants...feels is needed. The current events of the last 3-4 weeks in F.O.D. Reversi, sad to say are by no means new. We old-timers here, have seen many, many decent, funny, good, and, some excellent players leave here and never return because of the public humiliation, harassment, verbal abuse, angry words, relentless Bullies, being called cheats, lack of good sportsmanship, and, worst of all, men stalking women!!!! Coming into their games, saying the most disgusting words, trolling them, threatening, their families, slandering...being as nasty as filthy as can be! I know this well, for, it has happened to me often on and off here! It has been my experience to handle them as individuals. Many are simply pathetic, lost souls, bored, kids, or whatever else is out there. Upon reflection, examination of my motives, discussion with friends, professionals, research, Othello Internet Gaming experience since 1999, I've concluded  I need to live and let live. If I can help a tortured soul, an alcoholic, drug addict, suicidal nut that lashes out to others rather than killing themselves...(which, can happen)...a mentally ill  person, for example, might be an old friend, that once was a very good person, excellent Othello player, delightfully funny, made us all laugh and, we looked forward to them being there with us. Yet, something inside them must have broken. They became the opposite of what they once were. Seen this happen a few times  It is heart-wrenching!! It's my nature to give them my all, against all odds, until I see it's impossible to do anything,  and, despite being unpopular with some... and ear to listen to and my 2 cents. Even risking the loss of friendships! What else can one do, except go with the language of one's heart. Recently even read some say, "Anyone that a friend of," so-and-so," is not a friend of mine." This comes from a place I profoundly get! I am not judging! Not at all. I have my own horror stories of barbarous times I suffered.  Guess, I'm sayin' trying to help with many friends to keep the peace, the humor, the light-heartedness, the unity, the love and fun of our beloved game and, Her people is paramount to me. I  work to do so in the background as well. We the higher grounded people here, by far outnumber the mean ones. Methinks, we need not sink to their level to get rid of them. "kill them with kindness." Hm. If talking doesn't work, as has been said, our MUTE Button is effective. So, one see's a bad word or two. Maybe toughen up?!  The worse one can do with these savages is to ignore them. They thrive on attention of any kind! Eventually, they move on. The Report Option in our Profiles, as has been aforementioned can be effective. -Last night I heard a friend that was going to write here about what he heard a friend told him about a BULLY! That person was not here to witness it! It would have been hearsay!!!  This is the kind of thing, I worry about. We needn't jump to conclusions. I get it again...been there, done it too. Had to give up on helping some as lost causes because they didn't have the desire to change...just let them go, for peace of mind!  There is another way people like myself are harassed that hasn't been discussed. There are Guests Etc. that send out game invitations nauseam !! ! Designed to be mean, especially, when chatting. Subscribers, such as myself have it easy. We can use the DND Button, like a Hotel. The Do Not Disturb Button works wonders, in my hopefully humble opinion , the FlyOrDie Subscriptions are very affordable.  Boiling down to about $1.60 a month annually.  Besides, it helps us all! A SHOUT-OUT to all of our Moderators! They do take us seriously. They are on the job! They have our backs. hmmmm...we may not see that, we may not be aware of it, but, it is so!! If, nothing else, this I know.  When I see a character defect in someone that I dislike, it inevitably is because I have the same one in me! When I am in EGO, judging others, gossiping in a way that is character assassination,  when I point a finger at someone, three fingers point back to me. Let's please find a middle ground for everyone. Heard this long ago,from a very wise World Othello Champion," We Othello Addicts, are mostly, brilliant, somewhat odd, freethinkers,  and occasionally immature times!?!"   I believe in us! We can do this in an intelligent, useful, compassionate, loving, yet firm way. To stand up against the dark and evil forces that try to divide us! It too is what they want! Yes? Yes. Please let's not give them that satisfaction. To quote Michelle Obama, " When they go low, we go high! 
With love and service, Judy

hihi:)* ZZ, Great idea. Many gaming sites have Private Tables. Methinks, it ain't gonna' happen here, because this is a family site. Lol, the Private Tables surely could and would be used to cyber seX as well...don't ya' thinK?! :p. Also, other sites have the Option to, Kick people out. This too could be used to be exclusive, not inclusive.  Could be downright mean:(.  Good to read you. Be well, Bro~*.
Judy, I'm sorry but I totally disagree with your herd mentality comments. The only way to stop this bullying is if we all stand together to combat these people. Nothing else works and I have seen that personally. There is an old saying that says, if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. This particular man would not stop, ever!  I personally could never support someone like him whether we were old friends or not. As for the mute button, they simply log off and back in and the mute is nullified. It does not work. Plus this man would have a couple of nicks on here at the same time and would alternate between the two coming into kygirl's game and spewing disgusting filth. People here are wanting to band together to stop this garbage and more power to us.There is strength is numbers but kindly do not refer to it as a herd mentality. This is good people standing up for what's right. Fighting the good fight so that we can all come here and enjoy ourselves without being subjected to humiliation or worse yet, literally being terrorized by sick souls. Call it what you want but you really need to show more empathy for the victims not the bullies.
Hiya, The fastest place here to reach the Moderators in The Forum is at -Dear Moderators-  The Forum, for me, is a place to voice our opinions, things that are on our minds, in our hearts, a place to better help the Moderators and to help us all to get along better, understand each other more and, to become a finer, more compassionate, loving, kind, and lighted hearted Reversi Family.  Including more information for any MOD'S to check out.
Since we have an immediate place to reach The MOD'S there, this seems to me becomes more of a group meeting format. Which is fantastic! An extra place to post urgent horrific things when they occur, such as repeated harassments and abuses. What a wonderful place for our beloved Reversi/Othello chat, post's, Replies here. However, I feel that attacks like this are uncalled for. They could go on forever. This need to be a kind, gentle and safe place for all of Othello people to say what they need without fear of rebuttal that is unkind. If you or anyone has a problem with me or someone else  I strongly suggest, you take the more mature approach, talk with me or them directly, and, at a private table. I was taught to communicate with respect, courtesy, to be as polite and as kind as humanly possible. God knows I've fallen short of this. Hm, at least when I do, so people tell me, I apologize, and, if necessary make further amends. Lee, my deceased husband would say, "If my friends were perfect, I wouldn't have any!" Lol. So, to lightly, address your issues, Chris, If you took in what I wrote, the herd mentality, was only applied to 'the angry people!' Mean-spirited Angry, self-righteousness people, that continue to provoke the bullies in The Lobby in the name of self-defense should no more be tolerated than the disgusting Bullies. The point being anger begets anger. The angry responses make everyone even more uncomfortable, scared to be here, wondering when the next fight will be, should they come here at all?! It can ruin the Family Site atmosphere even more than the individual Bully does, "adding fuel to the fire." Of course, many of the people that choose to help the bullies begone such as myself are already are together on this and, hopefully, more will come onboard. Just reading the Replies here say's a great deal.  This can be done with firmness, honesty (not brutal honesty) Tough love...consideration and no bunk! "Peace cannot be kept by force, it can only be achieved by understanding. -Albert Einstien-  dasso aka haq says "I'm his best female friend here." He's taught me a lot, like how to collect "Love Tokens!" These cannot be collected with hostility, only with patience, tolerance, kindness, and understanding. Easy to say, hard to do.  But, doable for us all. I believe in all of us!! 
May as well add what life in general as well as what this quote means to me...my 2 cents," if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem." There are always shades of gray in life. There are people in Othello that wish to have nothing to do with all of this! That is their right!! That does not make them lesser people...or, bad people. Seems to me I remember three Saturdays ago, I spent 7 hours being a referee,  mother-like, a peacemaker, desperately trying to stop two people attacking each other in The Lobby. Gosh, even called a Time-Out, which, much to my surprised worked for a while.  Not because I'm so lily white, just because it's my nature to try my best to help. Sometimes, to my own peril. I may be wrong in this observation, it seems that the more outspoken one is here, the more they leave themselves open to being targeted by a nutcase. Um, as an outspoken girl her, I've been a victim of the grossest most horrendous, ugliest, nasty chat one can read online. Even had a so-called best of friend steal a nickname I had. Seen other women harassed, been a defender and protector of them frequently. They know who they are. I will say, kygirl was one. I chatted endlessly with that sick, sad, soul! Until I saw it was useless. And, I too became afraid of him. Told you two that. In fact, you were glad "I finally saw the light."  Anyway, in terms of compassion and empathy, being a girl, having been raped in real life, harassed for a year at another game site, abused and harassed here by men, often in Private messages, some were angry I wouldn't  cyber-X with them, etc., and, chronically annoyed even by women, I have the kind of empathy that no man can even dream of. It's my hope, wish and prayer that we Othello playing people do not use this format to aggressively challenge anyone's writing. Seems that we have more than enough of that in our own Room's.  If,  other attacks come, think my Reply simply will be this as a Re-post: "HOW BEAUTIFUL IT IS TO STAY SILENT WHEN SOMEONE EXPECTS YOU TO BE ENRAGED."-Albert Einstien Yours in Othello love, Judy 
P.S. 
Make no mistake! Hope with all the good that's in me, the viciousness kygirl, and the other girls are experiencing will be stopped!! God bless us all. 
Actually Judy, everyone who read your previous post saw it as you belittling the efforts of those brave few who decided to stand up and fight back. It truly was an affrontery to those who said enough is enough, we are not going to stand for this anymore. And the man we've been talking about did not merely harass women, he assaulted them and he knows the difference between right and wrong. He is an animal not a human being deserving of forgiveness. People like kygirl deserve better than to terrorized by this man and you are willing to let him off lightly. That to me is indeed sad and this man deserves to be behind bars not on a game site with good people. You may think he is deserving of forgiveness but I think he is deserving of the same treatment he so happily dished out. When I confronted him in the lobby about the sick things he said to kygirl and how he scared her away he said good, it worked then, didn't it. He is a pathetic excuse for a man and that should not be taken lightly by you or anyone one else. 
We do appreciate all your inputs guys and please keep using the "Report abuse button" or notify us through email if there's an abuse going on in the room.



Thank you.
"Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace!

That where there is hatred, I may bring love.

That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.

That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.

That where there is error, I may bring truth.

That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.

That where there is despair, I may bring hope.

That where there are shadows, I may bring light.

That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted.

To understand, than to be understood.

To love, than to be loved.

For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.

It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.

It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life."

—Saint Francis of Assisi—
Oh Jesus how can you write that long!?
Thanks a lot,  Goddess! Hope all is well with you and yours. My mistake about how to reach you guys the fastest and, the best ways. Appreciate the correction.
 Thank you, and all the MOD's for everything.  You guys don't get paid for this, and, your tasks here, aren't  easy! Thanks for keeping this a lovely place to be. Love, joy, peace and great blessings~*.
marriedplayer is a cyberbully that wants everybody to believe she's a victim. She will follow and harass a player til they go off then she loves to threaten them with turning them in for telling her to get lost (but in much more colorful words)..marriedplayer is like cancer to this site, she needs to be removed. While your at it, take out her entourage/20 different nicknames .
Hi R&R, first of all I am no cyberbully sweetheart...I simply played you a few games and won..well you didn't seem, to like that and started to spew your filth at me yet again..i said gg to you that was it..then you started on me..so get off your high horse and tell the truth..I have screen shots of the filth you were saying in the lobby and if i could post them here i would..and then people could see who the bully is..I want nothing more to do with you and i think the site should have you banned permentaly for the filth you were saying to me..no one needs to hear that..this is a family site and children play here..you of all people should know this...so next time be careful what you say as children could be watching.
You have a lovely day.
Maree
Although some of the posts would benefit from some paragraphing (the walls of text can be difficult to read) I do applaud the principle of the message here.

I would say to use take what people say with a slight pinch of salt however. As someone mentioned above it is incredibly easy to spurge nonsense anonymously on here. If you can just ignore, mute, report and move on.
🙃
1
Ok it is just a game, you guys are thinking so far away from this theme. This game is only for relaxing. And you guys talk about bullying, i think... what is bullying? Just few words, just MUTE and report them! That's all!! What you are talking about? You have mentioned about alcoholic, drug addict, suicidal nut, or even s*xual. They shouldn't, or even mustn't appear in this kind of game forum! Useless and boring!
I'm a writer...Lol...: ))*, Cheers~*.
Right on! Right on liquid_lizzard!!

It is going on big time again in reversi, and I and others have discovered new bugs with their wonderful new-ish Player Information! BraVo Mods and The Operater for this! 
However, lately, when I reported abuse and harassment it waw I that got Demerited for it! For what? Posting it often to the Mods!

And too, the Date of Players Info. now shows the Ti=me they've been played for a while now.

Please help with these.

Yours in love and service ofF FlYOrDie,

Just Judy*




Haha Judy!

For a writer you make some terrible grammatical errors. :p

Yours truly,
Boss
Hi, Easily! I am a writer and, a passionate one about this subject! Peace out!~*
Hi back!
Yes, I do, and haha, that's what Grammarly is 4. Many of us do. I M NOT N English MAJOR!

Merely a writer, by trade, for one thing, I do. Sheesh, if I had to edit or spell check, I wouldn't write here! 
Hey if you like to correct the spelling & re-post It! Even FOD now has It!
Lolol
My best wishes, Judy